


A Very Merry Simpson  Family Christmas

by das_kabinett (attentat)



Category: Bandom
Genre: Meeting the Parents, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-13
Updated: 2007-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 07:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attentat/pseuds/das_kabinett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The most hilarious thing about the entire situation is that the tabloids almost got it right. Although, Joe Simpson wasn't worried about Pete maybe being bisexual, he was pissed about Pete actually being bisexual, and Ashlee wanting to bring Patrick home for Christmas dinner, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Merry Simpson  Family Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I love this fandom. I know that I have made some very good, very old friends lose all respect for me, which I sorta don't care about, for all that I adore them -- I love this fandom too. And I love all the people in this fandom! I've made more friends in the last week through bandom than I did in the YEARS I was in Harry Potter -- despite having written a lot more HP fic than I have bandom fic.
> 
> This fandom is just overflowing with squee and love and joy and participation, which is seriously awesome.
> 
> What I mean to say is that I wrote more porn! Yay! for [](http://strangecobwebs.livejournal.com/profile)[**strangecobwebs**](http://strangecobwebs.livejournal.com/) 's More is More meme, which everyone should check out [ here.](http://strangecobwebs.livejournal.com/90720.html)

The most hilarious thing about the entire situation is that the tabloids almost got it right.

Although, Joe Simpson wasn't worried about Pete maybe being bisexual, he _was_ pissed about Pete _actually_ being bisexual, and Ashlee wanting to bring Patrick home for Christmas dinner, too.

Pete hated the old fucker, but even he could recognize that a committed threesome was probably bit much for a Baptist-Pastor-Turned-Sleazeball-Manager to handle. Ashlee said that he was just going to fucking have to deal with it, and since both Pete and Patrick approved of her defying her father, they were just going to have to deal with it as well. Even though they were the ones who were at risk for being run out of LA with a shot gun.

Joe was looking very tempted, actually. Pete kept a wary eye out for the shotgun.

"Roast, Patrick?" Joe said too heartily, passing the giant plate of beef toward him. Pete winced a little bit, but Patrick only smiled and said, "No thanks, I'm vegetarian, actually."

Tony Romo, Jessica's boyfriend and professional football player (jesus, did Pete wish he had left off the eyeliner), looked a little disdainful, but he laughed – also too heartily. "No wonder you're such a little guy --don't get enough protein."

Patrick smiled at him, and probably only Pete was able to tell how close he was to murdering them all. Patrick was good at innocent.

"Oh, ha ha," Patrick said. "Yeah, no. There is plenty of protein in non-meat sources and you don't actually need that much. Anyway, would you like some water?"

Ashlee was also smiling – so much smiling, none of it sincere-- and judging by the way that Patrick shifted in his seat a little, she was soothing him underneath the table. Which, if Pete could extrapolate from the way he sent her a startled and irritated look, she was _so_ going to be paying for, later. He bit his lip at that, trying not to grin. He was looking forward to that part of the evening, at least.

"So," Jessica said, flipping her hair off her face. "Who's excited for the basketball game?"

* * *

Pete did not think they were being subtle, but they had to get out of here before Patrick actually killed the Cowboy's quarterback. He might be 6'2" and 200 pounds plus, but Patrick was _vicious_ and was so going to win that fight.

So, without even discussing it, Ashlee "went to the bathroom" during the middle of the first quarter and called Pete's phone. It rang and Pete was grateful he changed Ash's tone from "you make me want to la la" to "you light up my life," even if it made Jessica snicker.

"Pretend like is an emergency," she said.

"What are you talking about?" Pete said, holding up a hand to apologize and moving toward the corner of the room. He hunched his shoulders a little bit, trying to ham it up. Pete wasn't much of an actor, but (no offense, Ash), Joe Simpson wasn't actually that much of a talent scout.

"Joe and Andy were in a tragic accident with the blender. Somehow, Gerard Way managed to get an accidental nosejob in the process," Ashlee said.

Pete's mouth was tight with not smiling. "Oh my god," he said. "Oh my god. I'll be right there."

He hung up the phone, cutting her off in the middle of a discussion about how Hemingway was having an affair with Paris Hilton's Tinkerbell, because, ew.

"Patrick, we have to go. Mr. Simpson, Mrs. Simpson, I'm so sorry, but--"

"You don't have to explain," Joe said. He looked not-so-secretly pleased. "I understand it is an emergency."

Patrick was looking worried, chewing on his lip. Pete raised his eyebrows a little bit at him and watched the tension slip out of his shoulders.

"Thank you so much for dinner," Patrick said. "It was nice to meet you all."

"Nice to meet y'all too," Tony said, taking a sip of the beer that hung out of his fingers. "You take care."

Patrick nodded, hands deep in his pockets, and followed Pete out. Pete tugged Ashlee out of the bathroom by her wrist, trying not to laugh. "Come on, hurry!" Pete whispered. "We're almost out of here!"

She giggled and then clapped her hand over her mouth, looking guiltily behind her.

"Sorry my family sucks," she said, when they were out in her car, Patrick in the passenger's seat and Pete stuck in the back. She was driving toward Pete's house, which wasn't that far away. Pete was already impatient, though, and he leaned over the back of the seat to kiss Patrick's neck.

"How are you going to make it up to us?" Patrick said, ruffling Pete's hair a little bit before pushing him back. "Down boy."

"I have some ideas," she said, laughing, and drove faster.

* * *

Pete loved the way Patrick and Ashlee looked kissing each other. His features were rounded compared to her slightly pointy face, and he was a bit shorter than her. He had to tilt his head up to kiss her just like he had to in order to kiss Pete, and that was sort of incredibly hot.

Pete was content to watch Patrick push Ashlee into the door for a moment, kissing her wet and dirty. Pete could see the slide of their tongues, the way Patrick's hands were holding Ashlee's hips, his fingers bunching up the material of her skirt. He wasn't content to watch for very long, though, not when so much of Patrick's neck was on display. Pressing himself up against Patrick's back, his cock slipping in between Patrick's ass even through their jeans, he licked and sucked at the skin just below his ear. He casually knocked off the hat, which caused Patrick to bite Ashlee's lower lip. The view was even better from here, Pete thought.

His hips rolled against Patrick, almost of their own accord, and Patrick moaned.

"Bedroom now," Ashlee said, panting. Pete agreed and grabbed the waist of Patrick's jeans in order to pull him more effectively.

Patrick, laughing and stumbling, allowed himself to be lead, holding onto Ashlee with his other hand.

"You guys are so goofy," she said. She didn't sound like she was complaining. Pete pushed Patrick onto the bed and Ashlee climbed on too, tugging Pete down on top of her. She kissed him, tasting like the last bit of pecan pie which she had stolen when she thought Joe wasn't looking, tasting like Patrick.

Patrick's hands slipped between them, massaging Pete's cock through his jeans before pushing up Ashlee's cute little skirt to get his fingers in her panties. His other hand was in Pete's hair and he was kissing the underside of his jaw – Patrick really liked the scruff, said he enjoyed the way it made his skin feel raw and used afterward. Far be it from Pete to argue with that sort of logic.

Poking Pete's side, clearly wanting him to move, Patrick slipped lower on the bed, his nose pressing into Pete's stomach. Pete obligingly moved to the side of Ashlee, still kissing her. He couldn't see what Patrick was doing, but he could feel movement, feel him slip off her skirt and her panties and he could taste her moan.

It was pretty nice to be kissing her – Pete was a make out king; he could do this for hours, until their mouths were swollen and chapped – but he had to get in on that action. Leaving her lips to pepper kisses down her jaw, enjoying the salt taste of her skin and how loud the noises she was making got once she released his lips, he kissed his way down her neck and slipped his hands underneath her shirt to tug it off.

She was wearing one of her fun bras today, black lace and pretty pink polka dots. He appreciated it from an aesthetic point of view, but seriously, it was a bitch to get off. Laughing at him, breathless, she arched her back and took it off herself.

"Seriously, Pete," she said.

"Shut up," he said. He bit her nipple, not hard, but she yelped anyway. One of his hands massaging her breast, he took a quick detour to kiss the tattoo on her wrist ( _3_ , which Andy said made them cursed, but Pete had always said he was best at doomed relationships), and then went to join Patrick.

Patrick had two fingers working in and out of her, his tongue working at her clit and Pete admired the view for a moment – Patrick looked so fucking good giving head and he loved it so much. She was all over his face and he was sloppy with it, his hips working up and down on the bed. Pete couldn't resist, he had to move forward and kiss him, forcing him off of her. She whined, high pitched and in a way that would be silly if it wasn't so fucking hot.

But he tasted so good, so goddamned good, sweet and musky with her and tasting like himself. He kissed back, his lips already swollen and rough and Pete squeezed down on Ashlee's breast, causing her to move off the bed.

"One of you needs to fuck me right fucking now," she said, her voice sounded a little bit wrecked. He liked it like that.

"Do you have a condom?" Pete said into Patrick's mouth, watching him twist his fingers viciously inside Ashlee.

"Yeah, in my back pocket," Patrick said and then kissed Pete harder. Pete's hands went down and undid Patrick's belt and unzipped his jeans, which, while not conducive to getting the condom, for sure made him more comfortable. Patrick was so hard it probably hurt, dampness growing on his boxers. Making sure to rub the soft strip of skin right underneath Patrick's waistband, his hand slipped around to fish the condom out. He thoroughly gropped Patrick's ass in the process, causing him to press himself back into Pete's fingers.

Patrick stole the condom from Pete and then bit Pete's lip, before sliding down. Patrick mouthed Pete's cock through his jeans, causing Pete to thrust up helplessly. He was resting his head against Ashlee's thigh and she was propped up on her elbows, watching them.

Undoing the jeans, Patrick sucked on the head of Pete's cock a moment, before sliding the condom on. Pete was almost glad he didn't delay all that much – he really was embarrassingly close to coming already, and he wanted to give his lady-love a good seeing to, as it were. Patrick would definitely make fun of him if that thought had been outloud

They shifted positions, attempting grace, but Patrick definitely got an elbow in his eye. That's okay, he was very gracious about it, only bitching a little bit. Patrick stayed down, his hand guiding Pete's cock into Ashlee, his tongue slipping in to taste the spot where she was stretched around him.

"Oh my god," Ashlee said, as Pete shoved himself in. She was hot and tight and so willing, one of her legs immediately going up to loop itself around his hips, tugging him closer. "Oh my god."

Pete thrust in, staying in deep and grinding his hips into a small circle, hitting that spot where she squeaked a little bit and twitched underneath him. He could feel Patrick's fingers rubbing at her clit again, feel Patrick's other hand pressing at his ass. It didn't take her long – in another few thrusts she cried out, high and lovely, and convulsed around him.

Feeling the clench of her muscles and watching her eyes flutter shut, he came too. They stayed there, Pete still inside Ashlee, and panted against each other for a moment, before Pete heard the soft sounds of Patrick bringing himself off. He dragged Patrick bodily up and kissed him, licking every small molecule of Ashlee off his tongue, and covered Patrick's hand on his cock with his own.

They stroked together, on top of Ashlee and probably crushing her a little bit, and in a few moments Patrick came, coating her stomach with sticky bursts.

"You ruined my shirt," she said, after another moment of quiet, harsh breaths, pouting. She pouted even harder after Pete slipped out, tying the condom in a knot and tossing it on the floor.

"That is totally disgusting," Patrick said, snuggling into Ashlee's side.

"I've seen you live," Pete said. "Don't even front."

Patrick snorted at that, mouthing at Ashlee's neck. "Not that gross."

Ashlee was already pretty much asleep, her face sweaty and red and beautiful, turning in toward him.

"Get up if it bothers you that much," Pete said, not really that tired but content to watch Patrick fall asleep, his eyes drifting closed. Patrick made a soft noise that approached words, but Pete couldn't tell what he was trying to say.

Pete smiled into Ashlee's skin and decided it didn't matter.


End file.
